You are at your in-laws house this holiday, and your spouse’s sweet distant cousin, who you did not know is going to be there, hands you a gift. You panic and die of embarrassment because you do not have a gift to give her. You do not know what to say. Should you tell her you forgot hers? That you did not know she was going to be there, so you did not get her anything? The only response you need to give her is “thank you”. You can add a “how thoughtful” if you want to.

If someone gives you a gift and you do not have one for him/her, it is okay.  Adults seem to have a hard time with this. Holiday giving is not tit for tat. Responses I have heard included:  “I ordered yours and it is has not come in yet”, to “I am so embarrassed that I do not have anything for you.”  I have also had people drop off a gift to me the next day, and it is obvious that they did it out of obligation because of my gift. 

You do not have to do any of those things, or feel any guilt. Just say “thank you”, and follow it up with a hand written thank you note.  If you are the type of person who feels bad about this sort of thing, you can think of the person another time during the year, such as taking the person to lunch, or give her a gift on her birthday. There is no need to run out and buy something for someone at the last minute. If you feel moved to give the person something next December, then great. Know that you never are obligated to give anyone a holiday present.

            The news reported that retail sales over the Thanksgiving weekend were high.  The newscaster commented that people may be back to their old habits of spending money they do not have. If you find yourself spending more than you would like to (or need to) during the holidays, then remember that it really is the thought that counts. If you fear old Aunt Martha may tell people you are cheap, here are some ideas that will make you look more clever and thoughtful.

            Baking a holiday treat from scratch is truly a novelty these days. Find a treat that Aunt Martha has not seen in years, and put it in an elaborate or decorative looking container. Attach a card with the recipe on one side, and a pretend company with your name on the other, such as “Elise’s Edibles.” You can tell her you really have been listening to her childhood stories all of these years of what her grandmother used to bake for her.

How about enlarging or restoring a childhood photo that means a lot to Martha, such as her on her first bike or with her late siblings? You can put it on your own scanner to enlarge, or take it to a specialty printer to enlarge or restore. This is a gift that you can range a lot in price, so keep in mind the value in this gift is the sentiment, not size or deluxe restoration.  

            Collect (or purchase inexpensively) pinecones.  Put them in a basket, add a holiday bow, and you have a beautiful gift. You can add some good smelling accents from the local craft store, and your gift will be fabulous. This can make a great centerpiece and be used for years to come.

            There are many ideas out there like this that do not look “cheap”, and will not break the bank.  Even your toughest holiday critic will be impressed with your clever and customized gift.  

 Good causes are good causes. And good manners are good manners.

Let's make sure the two go hand in hand. I was reminded of this recently when a Sunday-morning walkathon appeared in my neighborhood.

First of all, let me say that I'm an advocate of walkathons. I've helped organize them when I once worked with a nonprofit.

But as we walk through familiar or unfamiliar neighborhoods promoting a cause, let's always be mindful of the tranquility of the surroundings.

Organizers should respect the space of others who live in the neighborhood. Be courteous and allow people the right of ways on their walks or jogging paths.

It’s not easy when several people are together, of course, but organizers should also respect noise levels while they're in the neighborhood -- in other words, no honking horns or loud music.

And most of all, organizers should encourage participants to respect personal property. No one likes to see people traipse across a well-manicured lawn to take a picture under a trellis of roses.

I don't believe anyone in any neighborhood has a problem with people promoting their causes. The important thing is to not let the neighborhood and its residents feel violated or taken advantage of as if they were a tourist attraction.

It's a matter of good common sense, manners and respect for the residents.

 While on a scavenger hunt, one of my sons recently made an odd request of a neighbor.

He knocked on the door of an elderly couple across the street, both of whom rarely come out. The lady of the house answered the door. He said something like, “I live across the street and was wondering if you have a roll of toilet paper, please.”

She gave him some, he thanked her, and no other explanation was asked or given. 

After I laughed my head off imagining what she must have thought, I started musing on what great neighbors we have and how we live in an amazing community.

I am active in my elementary school PTA, and was asked to check up on a child’s mom who was just diagnosed with cancer. The family just moved here from Houston , and they do not know many people. I ended the conversation telling her to call us if she needed anything and that people in this community will bend over backwards to do anything for someone in need. She said she noticed, and she was obviously grateful. 

Over the years, I have known people who have had similar crisis, and it is amazing how many perfect strangers find out and get involved in helping in any way they can. Their help ranges from meals, to childcare, to money. 

Giving the little boy across the street a roll of toilet paper may not seem like a big deal, but it is just a small example of the neighborly kindness that people in our community show for one another.

 

Guest post written by Mara Anderson In today's age, people are so much more aware of what they wear because of social media. I call it my very own paparazzi because people can definitely track what you wear across different pictures and events. I used to worry about people noticing that I was wearing the same outfits over and over again. But after seeing Kate Middleton wear all kinds of outfits again in the public, I'm embracing it. I love to keep up with what she's wearing with my wireless internet Washington and I take some wardrobe cues from her. I guess that she could afford to buy a new outfit for each public appearance, especially because she's been making a whole lot less now, but I respect that she doesn't. Besides, someone could go bankrupt just trying to keep buying new outfits and wearing a new thing each time it's possible that your picture could be taken. I love all of the Kate Middleton wardrobe repeats and she really does show some great ways to rewear different pieces in different ways. Plus, there's no shame in wearing a great piece more than once.