A friend of mine told me she ran out the door the other day and forgot to put her wedding ring on.  A man that she encountered during her workday started hitting on her, and she was at a loss of what to do. If you are male or female, available to date or not, you are probably going to encounter someone making advances on you when you are not interested.  If you do not want to hurt his feelings and/or sound rude, what do you say?

Try to let him or her know you are not interested before he even has a chance to ask you out. If you are at a party, it is easy to excuse yourself to “find your date,” “find your friends,” or “get another drink.”  That should give you an out to move on from the person, and then steer clear of him or her for the rest of the evening. 

If you are in a business setting, try to move the conversation to work related issues.  If he or she makes it social again, feel free to give responses that include you and your significant other, and how happy you are about the relationship.  You can say, “My husband (or boyfriend) and I are going to the movies later.  He is great because he lets me pick the movie every time.” If you are single and not interested then work into the conversation how happy you are not to be dating anyone.  

If none of this works, and he or she asks you out anyway, there are some responses that will let him down in a way that is not too uncomfortable for both of you.  “Sounds fun, but my husband and I are really busy the next few weeks.”  If you are single you can say, “You are so nice to ask, but I am on social overload right now.  If that changes I will let you know.”  Give these responses with a smile, and try to quickly change the subject or walk away if possible.  This should stop it from going any further, and hopefully will not make it too awkward for either one of you.

 Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

Is it proper to respond to an RSVP via e-mail or social network, such as Twitter or face book? Or should such esponses be made by a more personal method, such as a phone call, or returning an enclosed card? Or does it depend on the manner in which the original invitation was offered?

Bob Bartlebaugh

Dear Bob,

If you are emailed an invitation, or invited to something through a Social Network, such as face book or Twitter, then it is appropriate to respond through the method that the invitation was sent.  Personally, I have responded to an Evite or similar type of invitation before, and my response has not gone through.  The hostess then called me to ask me if I would please respond.  Since this has happened to me several times, I attempt to respond through the “Evite,” and then I follow up with an email to the host and confirm my answer.  

 Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

I have been dating someone for just a few months. He recently bought me some jewelry, and told me if I did not like it, I could return it for something else.  Do you think it actually is okay to exchange it?  I don’t want to be rude or hurt his feelings.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

If the gentleman that you are dating said you may exchange a gift that he gave you, then etiquette says it is fine to exchange it.  I would then show him what you exchanged it for, and ask him if he likes it.  If he does not seem to like it, then you should suggest that you go back to the store together and pick something out.  Also, keep in the same price range for the exchange. 

If he is a sensitive person and you think he would be offended if you really did exchange it, then I would learn to love what he gave you, and forget about exchanging it.

 As convenient as email has become, I often wonder if we hide behind it when we need to confront people, or address an issue that we would rather not address.  It reminds me of a person breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend with a text.  It is a lot easier, but not only is it not a very polite way to handle the situation, but it is a cowardly way to handle it as well.  

When dealing with sensitive matters, or sending an email to a sensitive person, you need to look at every angle to make sure there is no way it can be misconstrued. The tone that you intend is not always the one it is taken.  Before you hit the send button read and reread your email to make sure the tone and information that is intended will be the way it will be interpreted when it is received. 

Sometimes an email is not the best way to handle a situation at all.  A friend of mine who worked for a large bank was told in training that if you compose an email that you would not want to see on the cover of the Wall Street Journal, then do not send it.  She said living by that rule has stopped her numerous times from sending various emails, and she chose to pick up the phone instead.

The other thing to consider that emails can be saved and/or passed on.  If you think your mean spirited exchange is going to stay between you and someone else, then forget about it.  The first thing I want to do when I receive an email that has an attitude is show it to someone else.  It is like we can’t wait to share with other people how we are stuck dealing with someone who is being obnoxious or mean. 

As wonderful as technological advances are, don’t forget a great invention from years ago – the telephone.  A telephone opposed to an email is what often saves us a lot of time (and heartache) in the long run.

            How formal should you be when you write and send an email to someone? It depends on whom the email is going to, and what your relationship with the person is.  I have heard about employers who are surprised at how casual sounding the emails they get are from potential job applicants.  In this case a very formal email is necessary and it should sound more like a letter.  I would even start with a “Dear Mrs. Smith.”  Also make sure you get the correct spelling of the person’s name.

When corresponding with co-workers, and especially your boss, keep it more formal and professional sounding.  A formal email to someone you know can start out with a “Hi Cindy. How are you?” For the body of the email make sure you have correct grammar and punctuation, and do not use texting or emailing acronyms or expressions.  You can then end the email with something like, “Thank you for your attention to this matter,” and put your name on the next line, like you would a letter.  

            If you are writing an email to a friend then a casual sounding email is fine.  The only warning I would give is to ask the friend if someone else reads her email, especially if it is at his/her work email address. A lot of companies have compliance departments who read employee emails, and will discipline their employees for “inappropriate” emails that they receive. If emailing a friend at home ask if a spouse or children could possibly see what you write.  You don’t want the friend to have to give an interpretation of the email on your behalf.

            Lastly, remember to be careful when replying to emails with more than one recipient.  We all have horror stories of “Reply All” emails that we had a lot of explaining to do.