Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

I was recently at a party and I noticed an acquaintance/friend of ours did not have an alcoholic beverage.  I asked him why and he said he was on some medication that he cannot drink.  A mutual friend of ours later pulled me aside and told me that I should never question why someone is not drinking.  Was I being rude?  Do I need to call him and apologize?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

As I have gotten older I have figured out that if someone does not have a drink either he or she could be in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), or she may be pregnant.  When I was pregnant with my second child I was not ready to tell anyone and my friends quickly figured it out and questioned me when they saw me with a glass of water and not a cocktail.  Just like I learned the hard way to not ask a woman when she is due with a baby, I have stopped asking people why he or she is not drinking.  I have a lot of respect for people who are in AA and I understand that some of them may be uncomfortable discussing it.  I do not think you were necessarily rude to ask your friend about the drinking, but may not want to call attention to it again.  I do not think an apology is necessary.  I would drop the whole subject.