Mrs. McVeighs Manners: All About Manners

Valentine’s Day Dilemmas

Elise — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:38:00 GMT

In college I met a cute boy a few days before Valentines Day. After dating for a few months he said he agonized what to do for Valentines Day since we started dating just days before. Should he ask me out, send flowers, or give a gift? There is a lot of pressure of what kind of message your gift sends, and people stress about if they look like they think the relationship is more serious than the other person. If you are not exclusively seeing someone, and are unsure if you should ask her out to dinner on Valentine’s Day, consider asking her to lunch. If you don’t want to come to the restaurant empty handed, a card and a rose are a safe bet. “She loves me, she loves me not?” What if you do not know that answer? My husband said where he grew up sending someone 12 roses said “I love you”. When a friend of mine was ordering a bouquet of Valentine’s Day balloons for her boyfriend, she was adamant that the balloons could not say, “I love you” or has anything close to indicating love. She feared scari ...

Good Manners and Volunteer Work

Elise — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 20:19:00 GMT

I had a reader tell me she went to her child’s school the other day as a volunteer cashier in the cafeteria. The volunteer sitting next to her talked to her the whole time about how terrible her life was going. The reader said it was so depressing to hear this woman go on and on, she had to go talk to a friend during a lull just to get a break from this woman. Is it rude to bring your personal life to a volunteer job? Here are some things to remember when volunteering. · Treat a volunteer job just like a real job. You would not bring your personal problems to the office, so do not do that when volunteering. · Take the volunteer job seriously. If you have a deadline, then meet it. If you are supposed to make phone calls, recruit other volunteers, or stay within a budget, then do your best to accomplish what ...

Text-speak affects thank you notes

Elise — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 18:48:00 GMT

My sons are writing their thank you notes for Christmas presents to all of the relatives. I look them over before we mail them off, and I noticed one wrote “Thx” instead of “Thanks”. Before I could give him a lecture on how inappropriate this is, he replies, “Sorry Mom. I did not mean to, and did not even notice that I wrote that.” “Text-speak” has become integrated into our lives. Adults who have been alive long enough typically do not have a hard time with abbreviating everything in more formal correspondence, but younger people are being raised with this form of communication. It is affecting their everyday writing, and I have heard of teachers really struggling with getting students to stop using this form of language. Let’s review the rules of when text-speak is appropriate. If you are truly texting or emailing a friend, then it is fine. If you are emailing a friend asking him to forward your resume on, then I make it more formal. ...

To Re-gift or Not to Re-gift – What is the Etiquette?

Elise — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 23:09:00 GMT

The holidays are over, and you may have a few gifts that you are not pleased with. My theory is if I am not going to use something, I should be nice and pass it along to someone who will. Is it okay to re-gift our unwanted holiday gifts, and what do you do if you get caught? My favorite place to re-gift is Goodwill. It is safe because there because it is highly unlikely that anyone I know would likely walk into a specific Goodwill where my gift is, and know that it was given to me from her. Giving your gift to a charity may not be an option to you. You may think your gift would be appreciated by someone you personally know, or that the gift is too nice or new to give to a charity. If this is the case, a good option is to be upfront with the person you are passing it along to, presenting it as just giving them something, and not as a “gift”. When you do pass it along, obviously make sure the original gift-giver will not see the item given ...

Be polite while finding a seat at the Christmas Eve Service

Elise — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 02:24:00 GMT

The church we attend gets filled quickly for the 5:00 Christmas Eve service. We get there every year at 4:00 to make sure we get a decent seat. I always bring note cards to write thank you notes to kill time before the service, but it is actually quite entertaining watching people try to save and find seats before the service begins. I actually heard a lady this year get snippy at someone asking if she was saving seats for someone. Now that’s the holiday spirit! A few pews up from me, I saw someone spread out a coat on a pew, in attempt to save the whole row while he left to go do something. Most people respected the coat and looked for other seats, but then a gutsy group finally came along decided the coat did not count, and they moved it over and sat in the pew. I pointed it out to my husband, and he said maybe seating at a holiday service should be like MiCocina in Highland Park Village – you do not get to t ...

Manners New Year’s Resolutions

Elise — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 00:07:00 GMT

When thinking about your New Year’s Resolutions this year, how about adding some that have to do with improving your manners? Here are a few simple things that can make a difference in your life (and other people’s life too). Do not eat and walk. It is a common habit among Americans. We are always in a rush, and we like to multi-task, but not only is eating and walking rude, it can add to weight gain. Sit down at the dinner table as a family more often – with the television off. We all say that we do this, but in reality we do not do it often enough. Not only can everyone use their extra good table manners, but the conversations that your family has is more memorable at the dinner table, then when you are sitting in front of the TV or even sitting on the kitchen bar stools. Turn all screens off for at least 15 minutes a day as soon as your children and/or spouse arrive home, and talk about your day. Any texts or emails can wait for an answer, and your family will (re)learn how to ...

You can now subscribe to our blog!

Elise — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 03:03:00 GMT

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Etiquette and left over food after a holiday meal

Elise — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 06:19:00 GMT

You are at your sister-in-law’s house and you are getting ready to leave. You brought two bottles of wine, but only drank one. Is it okay to take the other one back? Though tempting to take it with you, etiquette says to leave it there. There are etiquette rules of how to handle bringing (and taking) food and beverages to someone’s house, if you are the guest or the hostess. Here are some more examples of what to do. One time when my family was a guest in someone else’s house for a holiday, my mother brought a dessert for the hostess. The hostess never served the dessert, and handed it back to my mother as we were leaving and said, “We won’t eat this, so you can take it back.” My mother was embarrassed and horrified by this gesture. As a hostess you may think you are doing the person a “favor” by giving back their food or drink, but first consider the relationship you have with the person, and the context of h ...

Etiquette and left over food after a holiday meal

Elise — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 06:19:00 GMT

No gift? – It is NOT Impolite

Elise — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 22:45:00 GMT

You are at your in-laws house this holiday, and your spouse’s sweet distant cousin, who you did not know is going to be there, hands you a gift. You panic and die of embarrassment because you do not have a gift to give her. You do not know what to say. Should you tell her you forgot hers? That you did not know she was going to be there, so you did not get her anything? The only response you need to give her is “thank you”. You can add a “how thoughtful” if you want to. If someone gives you a gift and you do not have one for him/her, it is okay. Adults seem to have a hard time with this. Holiday giving is not tit for tat. Responses I have heard included: “I ordered yours and it is has not come in yet”, to “I am so embarrassed that I do not have anything for you.” I have also had people drop off a gift to me the next day, and it is obvious that they did it out of obligation because of my gift. You do not have to do any of those things, or feel any guilt. Just say “thank you”, ...