Facebook Information - TMI

Posted @ 7/10/2010 2:14 PM By Elise

 Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

I am a really big Facebook user, and it seems like people like to report every detail of their relationships.  I have seen engaged friends who change their status from “Engaged” to “It’s Complicated” just because they had a fight.  Do you think we have gotten to the point where people are giving way too much information?  Do I really need to know every fight and comment that couple’s have with one another?  I think it is also really rude.  What is your opinion on this?

Facebook Fan

 

Dear Facebook Fan,

I think that is rude and disrespectful to your significant other, and in bad taste to air your dirty laundry on Facebook, or any other forum such as this.  Relationship issues should be kept between two people.  If someone is having problems, confiding in a friend in person or by phone is fine, but emails are dangerous, and Facebook is downright inappropriate.  Next time you have a friend change his or her relationship status, call him and ask him is he needs someone to talk it over with.  Maybe he will get into that habit and stop publicly criticizing his significant other.

 

 

Fighting in Public

Posted @ 7/3/2010 2:52 PM By Elise

                    My two older sons have a tough adjustment period to one another every summer.  It takes them 2 – 3 weeks to get used to being around each other 24 hours a day.  They have always gotten along very well, and were at one time best friends. During this adjustment period they can get along when it is just the two of them, but add in our youngest son, and/or a friend or two, and it leads to trouble.    It not pleasant to hear them argue with each other at home, but when we are in public, I just about lose it when I hear them fight.  I am very embarrassed that they would cause a scene and carry on in front of other people.  The whole world does not need to hear their petty issues with one another.  One day we are driving as a family to an outing, and I am giving them the “don’t fight in public” talk before we arrive to our destination.  My husband then interjected the real reason why people should not fight in public – it makes other people feel very uncomfortable.    We have all been there.  You are out to dinner with another couple and they get into a fight.  You and your spouse just look at one another, and then look down, not knowing what to do or say.  You end up looking at your food in silence, and pray that the couple will quickly kiss and make-up.  When they don’t an uncomfortable silence occurs, and you try to bring up a new subject.  The only one discussing it with you at first is your spouse.  One person out of the fighting couple then realizes he or she better salvage the situation and tries to jump in, but it just isn’t that real of a discussion.  The whole evening gets cut short and ends up a disappointing disaster.    Two days later the point that my husband was trying to make to our sons was perfectly reiterated.  They go on a play date with some brothers, and the brothers get into a fight.  As a result of their behavior, the brother’s mom cuts the play date short.  When my kids get home they say they wish they could have stayed longer.  I ask them how they felt when their friends were fighting with one another.  They said they felt uncomfortable, so I then had an opportunity to drive my husband’s point home once again.   They admitted it was embarrassing to hear them fight, and the light bulb in their head goes on.  Looking at the positive, I am glad that they have one another to fight with, so we can teach these type of lessons now that they will carry with them when they get older.  In the car that day I explained to them that their father and I sometimes get mad at one another, but we wait until we get home to “discuss” it.  No one wants to hear children fight with each other, and they certainly do not want to hear adults fight with one another.  Overall it is very uncom ...

Chair Stealer

Posted @ 6/26/2010 6:28 AM By Elise

 Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

This may sound petty, but I want your opinion.  My husband and I were at a small gathering at someone’s house and musicians were performing.  My husband got up for a moment to get a beverage, and a man immediately moved down the bench that they were sitting on and took my husband’s seat.  His wife then moved next to him, leaving my husband without anywhere to sit.  Do you think this is rude?

Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous,

I do think this is rude.  The man should have asked you if your husband was going to return, or he should have looked out for your husband to return and offer to give him his seat back. 

 

 

 

 

 

FAther's Day Jealousy

Posted @ 6/26/2010 6:25 AM By Elise

 Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

My husband’s stepfather does not have any children of his own, has been in my husband’s family his whole adult life, and is the most involved grandfather to our children.  My mother-in-law invited us over Sunday to celebrate Father’s Day, and when my husband’s biological father found out we went to their house before going to his house, he was very hurt and upset.  He barely spoke to us the rest of the day after we mentioned where we had been.

 

Were we wrong to do this?  Should we have celebrated with the stepfather another day?  We have a good relationship with my mother and father-in-law, and they get along okay too, but this seemed to really hurt my father-in-laws feelings.

Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous,

 I think it is fine that you went to both the father and stepfather’s houses to celebrate Father’s Day.  I suggest your husband has a talk with his biological dad and see why it bothers him so much.  If he says that this man was not your husband’s father, your husband can explain that it is more for the grandchildren, and that this is your way of thanking him for being a part of your children’s lives.  Moving forward if you want to go to the stepfather’s house again next year, I think you have every right to do so.  Hopefully your husband’s biological father will understand your point of view and accept it.

Get out before the bad behavior begins

Posted @ 6/19/2010 9:47 AM By Elise

 My husband and I are at an end of the season sports team party for one of our sons.  The coach just finished giving his speech and congratulating the team. Kids are done eating, are suddenly restless, and start to run around the tables and the restaurant.  I look at my husband and tell him to quickly say his goodbyes!  I grab my two children and make a beeline for the door before my children decide that they cannot resist the fun.          After that scene I think back to all of the times that I have had to make a quick exit out of a place.  When my three kids were little - to my friends’ dismay - I was the mom who actually carried out my threats to leave playgroup if my kids did not behave.  After a few incidents I learned to leave even faster before my kids could make an even bigger scene with a temper tantrum in front of everyone.  Now that they are older if they have an issue and are about to lose it, I quietly coach them to “keep it together” until we get to the car. Does this cut into my fun and social time when I am out?  Yes, but I feel like it is a parent’s job to make sure that his or her children don’t ruin a good time for other people. The temptation is to take the child aside and give him “one more chance” - about five times - but that obviously does not work.          Why does it seem that parents think it is acceptable for young people to misbehave in public?  Why as parents do we push the limit and put our fun and enjoyment before others?  I know you want to finish your meal but please be aware that other people are not enjoying their meals if your child is misbehaving.  If I see someone trying hard to disipline his child in a public setting, I never feel resentful of the child disrupting the restaurant or event.  Children need to be put into public situations so they can learn how to behave.  I do find it disturbing when a child is allowed to be rude or loud in a public place and the parents just ignore him or her. I understand how hard it is to deal with children in public and how it is to feel so beaten down.  I am the mom who used to go to the mall the next suburb over so when my kids acted up I did not run into anyone that I knew.  When the television show Desperate Housewives first came on, as my kids are acting up in the grocery store, complete strangers would pass by and comment how my life is like the housewife with the three nightmare sons.  My kids and my parenting skills are obviously far from perfect, but I try to find the balance in when to stay at the public place and do my best with them, and when to abandon my mission and abort immediately.  It has been hard to miss out on a lot of fun, but now that my kids are older, I am starting to see the results of my suffering. If you make a quick exit when they are young, children will see that their behav ...